*DISCLAIMER* I don't mean this piece to detract from the victims of this attack, and it is more so just me having a bit of a vent and retelling my experience of being in very close proximity to a terrorist attack for the first, and hopefully last time. As something that has recently greatly impacted my personal life, it felt wrong not to cover it on what I want to be a fairly personal blog. Hope that makes my intentions clear. Peace, and hope you enjoy the post.
The first Saturday night since my exams had finished, full of Dominos and pre-drinks and almost ready to head out with my flatmate, I got the BBC News notification that I was not expecting, nor wanted to hear. After the barbaric events at Manchester Arena only a few weeks ago, another similar attack was the last thing I, or many I'm sure, expected to hear. In the time it took me to read the notification I heard what sounded like hundreds of police cars speeding down the very street that I live on with their sirens blurring, and the harrowing whir of helicopter propellers flying worryingly low above our accommodation.
It's safe to say that any excitement I had to go out had diminished greatly between me and my flatmate. However, since the Westminster attacks in March had negatively impacted my plans that evening, I did not want the same thing to happen again. When something awful like this happens, the typical social media reaction is that we must carry on, we should not be afraid and nothing in our personal lives should change for the sake of fear. This is something myself and my flatmate wanted to replicate, but it was the events following our decision to leave our rooms and head out, that brought home that this attack, was one that was not only mindless, unnecessary and the catalyst for yet more innocent lives lost, but was right on our doorstep.
Since I have now lived in London for a whole academic year, the area in which I live (the Southwark/Borough) area has felt less like London, if that makes sense. When you live somewhere and frequent it daily, you become desensitised to where you actually are. I had completely looked over how central I did actually live and had felt safe very early on in my Borough residency. As awful as it is that this is the world we currently live in, I have always known that London, as a capital, was a more vulnerable target for terrorism than most other UK cities, but I still stupidly thought that it would only be huge landmarks, as we saw with the horrific Westminster attack, that would be targets. I now realise that London Bridge, one of the more well-known bridges of London, and Borough Market, a hub of hundreds of people in an open and social space, were targets all along. Having walked through the market almost every day, whether it be to get to uni or work, or to actually sample the amazing bars and restaurants as my flatmates and I would often do, I realised that this attack was directed on what I considered to be my London community, my home, and that still leaves me shaken days after the events.
A moment from that night that I will never forget, was walking into my accommodation reception, desperately trying to supress what had happened and continue with my night, and seeing people of all ages, sitting on the floor, crying, talking to loved ones on their phones, and all looking so fearful as it became a place that non-residences were using for refuge. I was momentarily stopped in my tracks, but was brought right back to reality when I walked outside, and realised that I was living on a street that people had used as their closest retreat from the horror. As myself and my flatmate attempted to carry on walking, what we thought would come of our night out at that moment I am not sure, we were met by hundreds of confused, scared, worried faces all walking directly away from the direction we were headed, saying 'I really wouldn't go that way, it's not safe'.
Little did I know at the time, that the monsters behind this awful event were still uncaptured, soon to be shot by police, wielding knives in a location I know so well, with people that I have potentially walked passed, or shared the same restaurant as at some point previously - and it was all happening only minutes down the road. I have never felt such a desire to want to go out and help the fellow members of my community, but it was soon made clear that the entire area surrounding the market was inaccessible to us, and we had no choice but to turn around and return to our rooms, silenced by the surreal events that we were amongst.
The day after, still very fearful and concerned following the night's events in which I got hardly any sleep, I awoke to the death toll, a more detailed picture of events, and the precautions that were now put in place for enhanced safety - I have never felt so disheartened, and simply saddened as I did waking up this information, and that what last night brought was not a dream, or rather an awful nightmare was also incredibly disappointing. Even a week after the events, the market is still completely barricaded off from the public, and even the business of the food truck I work at on the Southbank, has been significantly impacted since the attack, as people seem fearful to even be on the south side of the river at all.
I know that my personal experience is irrelevant in terms of the victims and the entire scope of damage caused by these awful events, and I also unfortunately know that my own dismay means nothing and will not prevent this evil ideology from continuing. All that I, and the many thousands more that have experienced these attacks and thankfully lived to tell the tale, can do, is move forward spreading only positivity and love. We can see from the massive human response to recent events, such as the fund raising for victims and amazing tributes like the One Love concert in Manchester, that love and positivity will always override hate and evil. I cannot pretend that I do not live with more fear as these events appear on the news more frequently as the weeks go by, but I see the positivity that is catalysed from evil and find hope that this is still a wonderful world to live in, and that negativity and evil only represents a minority, in a positive, generous, and loving majority.
H x
I know that my personal experience is irrelevant in terms of the victims and the entire scope of damage caused by these awful events, and I also unfortunately know that my own dismay means nothing and will not prevent this evil ideology from continuing. All that I, and the many thousands more that have experienced these attacks and thankfully lived to tell the tale, can do, is move forward spreading only positivity and love. We can see from the massive human response to recent events, such as the fund raising for victims and amazing tributes like the One Love concert in Manchester, that love and positivity will always override hate and evil. I cannot pretend that I do not live with more fear as these events appear on the news more frequently as the weeks go by, but I see the positivity that is catalysed from evil and find hope that this is still a wonderful world to live in, and that negativity and evil only represents a minority, in a positive, generous, and loving majority.
H x
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