Hey guys and gals!
Sorry once again for being the worst blogger ever. Apparently not even a a lockdown and no plans is enough to motivate me (I have actually written a few things recently that never made it to post but I’m just self critical lol). I mostly blame Animal Crossing for my lack of productivity as I’m sure we all do, oh...and the global pandemic and threat of death.
With the ‘current situation’, there are a lot of tips floating around regarding self isolation and taking care of yourself. I considered writing a very realistic version myself, no bubble bath suggestions in sight, but not only are these posts getting a little repetitive, but I really am in no place to give much advice on self care, crying approximately every three days in isolation, as I’m sure many of you are too.
Buuuut...so many people are doing such cool and helpful things with their creative spaces online to offer whatever kind of help they can whilst we all muddle through this unprecedented situation we now live in as our ‘new normal’. As I got thinking on what my two cents for people could be, I realised what I might be able to advise you on.
So many people who don’t live with their significant others, but would otherwise see them multiple times a week, are now isolated away from them. I am in this situation and though I know how much it SUCKS, I have been through it before when I lived away in uni. Therefore I did become accustomed to making a grim situation a little better.
So, these are my five little pearls of wisdom, whilst you’re managing a social distant relationship.
1. Calls and FaceTimes
Let’s get the obvious one out of the way first. Calling and FaceTiming can be a very welcome change to texting. Texting is the medium we would probably use to communicate with a partner through the day with the knowledge that you would be seeing them to chat in person fairly soon. Now that this is not the case, texting can become very dry, and sometimes it can be difficult to get something across with texting alone.
Scheduling in a phone call or FaceTime with your partner changes up your communication. Even if you are still getting on with work or something else (animal crossing for me) at the same time, knowing that they’re on the end of the phone can at least create somewhat of an illusion that they’re with you, or at least more with you than a text sometimes feels.
Much like texting, I wouldn’t even suggest calling every day because that too could become stale, especially in a situation like lockdown where you might not have an awful lot going on in your own homes to chat to them about. Leaving it a few days and then calling makes the whole thing, simple as it is, a lot more exciting and you will probably have at least a bit more to talk about.
It all seems obvious, but the ways in which you use these ways of communication that we are all lucky to have, can make the experience a lot more positive, and ease you missing them even a little.
2. Tell Them Everything About Your Day-To-Day
This very much links with the benefits of phone calls. No matter how boring you might think your day has been, telling your other half even the most menial things that you did, or ate, or watched, might help them to picture you more and feel less distant from you.
This really helps me personally and I will literally retell my day from waking up to the minute I’m calling and ask for the same back. It seems silly, but if you care about someone and miss them that much, you will care about what time they woke up and what they had for lunch. You can’t be together, but doing this is about as close as you can get to living their day along with them, and there’s something oddly comforting in that.
3. Plan Post-Lockdown Dates
Whilst I don’t agree with calling social distancing a ‘blessing’ as some people on social media like to do (a rant for another time), one thing I can see as a positive is that we may appreciate the little things a bit more than we did before.
Things that I did so often like going for food and drinks with my boyfriend seem like an absolute luxury now, where as before they were very much a given. Because of this, I have been finding a lot of comfort in planning all the things we will be able to do once lockdown is lifted.
Though it does create a very bitter sweet feeling, talking about what restaurants you can’t wait to eat at again, what park or street you can’t wait to walk around together, and what pub you can’t wait to drink at together again, is such a good distraction from our current reality.
Some day we will be free from this, so there’s nothing wrong with planning all the fun things you’ll do together when you can - and there’s no way that you’ll take any of it for granted.
4. Resolve Arguments As Quickly As Possible
I haven’t experienced this myself yet, but it’s totally normal for any couple to bicker a little, even when you’re not together.
What I learnt in uni from arguing long distance is that it is much more difficult and draining than doing it in person. If one person gets frustrated and walks away, the other person can’t go after them when you’re miles away from each other, escalating something that was probably very small to begin with.
With tensions as high as they are right now and with many people feeling anxious and on edge, being there for the other person when there’s some kind of problem between you both is much more constructive than virtually storming off and turning your phone off.
Try and talk things out, don’t go to bed with an argument still going on, and be sensitive to the fact that your partner has a right to be a bit unlike themselves in such a surreal and scary time.
5. Play A Game Together
You will have seen many people on social media getting involved in all kinds of online quizzes via zoom etc, and this can be a really fun way to distract you both and creates the illusion that you are together much like a phone call.
I myself have taken advantage of the fact that both me and my boyfriend have Fortnite and can play that together online - it is neither of our favourite game, but it is still a fun way to work together and virtually be together, even if you are getting shot at lol.
Other great ways to play together our websites like Jackbox.tv which can be played remotely with others and include loads of different games to keep it from getting repetitive and boring.
If you really wanted to put in the effort, you could take turns making up your own quizzes for each other that are very specific to your relationship or things you both like - I haven’t done this but think it could be a laugh; something you probably wouldn’t do if you were still constantly together.
And if you have a partner who will play Animal Crossing with you then...I’m forever jealous.
Finally I can say that I have given a little something to those feeling down right now, and I really hope this helped some of you! Whether you are away from your partner or just really missing your friend group (I know I am), be safe in the knowledge that this is not forever, and there are little things you can try to make the days less sad.
H x
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