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The People I Idolise Would Probably Hate Me




Hi guys,

Sending well wishes to you all at this continually weird time. This is a pretty random post but clear evidence that my mind really be WONDERING during isolation haha. Either way, I hope this is a somewhat interesting read.

I fell down a bit of a YouTube hole the other day (nothing new) of watching celebrity interviews of people I like and look up to. In doing this I had a bit of a realisation; the majority of people, specifically musicians, that I idolise and look up to, would probably want nothing to do with me.

Let me explain.

There is definitely a stereotype that surrounds certain musicians. Stuff like; they are unnecessarily rude, they play up to the ‘tortured artist’ personality, or they refuse to answer questions on their music - generally tutting at the mainstream media obsession with asking too many questions. I will never know how I would react to this lifestyle (the media don’t generally care too much about Theology students lol), but I’d like think that I can sympathise with the often uncalled for nosiness of the media, who feel entitled to a celebrity’s personal life and artistic inspiration when it isn’t always relevant to ask.

Whilst I do have sympathy for a person’s dismay at the media, I can’t help but be a person that would do a lot and pay a lot to pick the brain of the people I look up to most. One of the people I have watched plenty of interviews of and continue to be bemused by is, of course, Thom Yorke of Radiohead. The man is king of ‘no, next question’, and generally looks as if he’d rather be anywhere else but in that interview. There are huge gaps in Radiohead’s media history in which Thom has simply refused all interviews, so when he does rarely agree to them, it is both a rare and uncomfortable thing to witness.

This got me thinking about how I would feel meeting someone like Thom. What I would say or ask him, whilst being totally aware that he might want nothing less than to discuss an album he wrote 20 years ago, just because this obsessive fan Is desperate to know. Whilst I would have no interest in discussing his personal life (I actually know very little about the personal life of my idols these days, and it isn’t something I care to research), someone like Thom would probably sigh at the thought of me telling him how much his music means to me. Even if he wasn’t rude to me, which I can only hope he wouldn’t be, I can’t imagine he would enjoy the experience as much as I would.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that many of the musicians and artists who I love seem to have a very reserved persona, and are unlike me in many ways. They make the music and play the gigs and that is that. Fair enough. Unfortunately, my irrational urge to be friends with and be liked by these people comes over me sometimes, and I can’t help but think, god they would hate you.

Sophie of Soccer Mommy, a band many of you will know I am a big fan of, would probably be mortified that I have her actual body tattooed on my torso forever, and Car Seat Headrest would probably tell me that my fave tune of theirs was written in a day, and doesn’t have the deep meanings that I have projected onto it.

I guess this isn’t a new concept but something I am suddenly realising. There has always been an age old message of ‘never meet your idols’, and in the case of the people I love to obsess over, I can definitely see the meaning in this sentiment. Two of my favourite content creators, Dodie (doddleoddle) and Hazel Heyes, made a video a long time ago about meeting their personal idols and it only reaffirms what I am thinking now about mine.

Dodie spoke to Demi Lovato, whom she had looked up to for years, via FaceTime, and as you can see in the endearingly cute video documenting that moment, she can think of nothing to say or do other than to gush with no rhyme or reason about how much she meant to her. For Dodie it is cringe and unbearable to watch back, but as she says herself, at least she can say that she got to tell Demi all of the things she had always wanted to, even if it was a bit messier than she might have hoped.

Hazel and Dodie also discuss something that I think is a brilliant closing sentiment for my stream of  babble regarding idols. If you ever happen to meet someone who you deeply idolise, and you do gush incoherently for a minute or two on what they mean to you, that person should understand that that experience is for you, and not for them. I cannot promise that if I were to meet someone I look up to, and I get to tell them why something they have created is important to me, that they will enjoy it.

What I hope I could count on, is them, having idols themselves as I’m sure they do, understanding what this experience might mean to me - even they find it all a bit weird. If this wouldn’t be the case, maybe that means that even if I love the content that someone creates, it does not mean that I will like them as a person. And painful as it is to think of a world where I can’t call up Thom Yorke as a friend to ask him about a confusing Radiohead lyric, I guess that’s ok. You can love someone as an artist, even if you might dislike them as a person.

What do you think? Would you be uncomfortable or embarrassed to tell someone you idolise what they mean to you? Are you happy to just admire from afar with no urge to ever meet or interact with them? Let me know ya thoughts!

Stay safe and stay home kiddos

H x


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