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Why I Withdrew My PhD Application

 Hellllooo,

I am now free from my challenging (COVID centred) masters degree and am very excited to get back into regular blogging. Remember when second year Hannah posted weekly? I would like to challenge her energy again lol.

For today’s post I wanted to do what I do best; discuss the positives and negatives of higher education. Having come to the end of four years of university, I’d like to think I’ve gotten the ‘uni experience’ to its fullest potential at this point. However, on a year off from education, I am not currently doing what I had maintained I would be only a few months ago. This next academic year was supposed to be the beginning of my three year doctorate in Theology, preferably at Manchester, delving into a feminist theology-based thesis. Instead, I have decided to postpone this for at least a year.

So, why have I done this, and why do I think it’s a big enough deal to write about? Unlike A Levels or even undergraduate degrees which are, at this point, somewhat expected for young people to undergo, a PhD is quite the opposite. However, anyone who has chatted to me about the future knows that this has been my plan for years. I have never taken a gap year and felt that if I was going to achieve something as challenging as a doctorate, I needed to do it in succession with everything else, to maintain momentum, and get the qualification as young as I could. You hear so much about how much your pay grade goes up once you have a Dr at the start of your name, and I really wanted to start a proper, well-paid career ASAP, and was definitely putting a lot of pressure on myself to make sure this was the case.

The main reason I wanted to talk about this is not just to have a self indulgent rant to myself, but rather to let my readers know that recognising signs, advice from others and general bad vibes is very important to do, and should not be ignored, which I was certainly doing for a long time. Not only were many of my friends and family concerned about my need to carry on in education with no break, but also my MA dissertation tutor. Being pretty much the only young woman I have encountered since studying theology (shocking I know), I really respect her advice and opinions. Even still, when she disclosed to me that she had taken a break between her masters and PhD and gushed over the benefits of this, I was still adamant that I could do it, and I had every intention of it. 

With a half-finished online application and a drafted research proposal milling around my iPad files for a while, then came the peak of the COVID cluster-f*ck in the UK, and reality began to hit me that my plans were not only unfeasible in the current climate (the new lack of uni resources/communication etc), but actually a terrible idea as many had warned me. I cannot thank coronavirus for many things at all, feeling that I have been stripped of my freedom and given a nice boost of anxiety, as I’m sure most of the population are also feeling. But, the force to slow down and contemplate my next steps with a new, ridiculous amount of time at home with my thoughts, made me realise that committing myself to another three years of studying would be a ridiculous idea, and probably quite damaging for my mental health too. It’s weird to think that if the virus had never happened and my state of mind never changed, where I would be now and how I’d be feeling about my choices. 

It’s easy to think that you know what’s best for you at all times, but if multiple people are giving you the same advice, I have definitely learnt that that should not be ignored. If the people in your life want the best for you and your health, your idea of the best thing for you might just be the wrong decision. Ultimately, a PhD is something I have wanted for years and still absolutely want - it feels like a necessity if I want to progress in my chosen future profession. But, not right now.

So, instead of freaking out about no longer being able to live under the pretence of student-hood anymore (which I have definitely done a bit of), I am trying to feel positive about my year of freedom - the freedom to do some life admin, like moving out and learning to drive. I have a part-time job that I enjoy and a positive group of people around me to spend the year with (COVID committing of course), and I am ultimately excited for this new, unplanned year ahead of me. 

What’s your plan for this academic year? Sticking to education or taking a well-earned break? Thoughts are always welcome through my blog Instagram account @hannahcampbellzblog. Reassure me that I’ve done the right thing so my inevitable wobble in a few months isn’t so severe haha.


Thanks for reading guys, glad to be back,

H x

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